Minutes of the August meeting, 2003
Attendees Part One: RC, NL, PR Attendees Part Two: PR, IN
Absentees: DB, AB, AC, JE, KZ - all AWOL and risking the wrath of the Chairman, and the Chairman's whereabouts? .... Falariki, Club 18-30 holiday, arrested for lewd behaviour.
Meeting Part One
It was a balmy night and the Six Bell's car park looked busy as I cycled in, padlocking my bike next to a bubble gum machine. Kiddie slot machines were whirring and as I ordered a pint between rows and rows of teddy bears, I couldn't help thinking I'd entered a toyshop rather than a pub. Neil and Richard had just returned from a successful summit bid, heaving Betty and Rose, with Brian's assistance to the top of Snowdon.
The 2003 Annual Fatman Skittles Championship
Both lanes of the notorious Skittle Alley were awaiting as kiddies and parents on mobiles and one-armed bandits, were surging forward, chanting "GO CHIPPIE", or "ROLL-EM ROWLAND!" or "FAT LATS FOR SKITTLECHAMP".
With the ambulance waiting in the car park, The 2003 Annual Fatman Skittles Championship was underway. First up, Chippie sent two balls hurtling down Lane 1 as if with superhuman force .... it was the wrong lane, as the skittles had been set up on Lane 2! The referee allowed him another go, as he put his specs on and this time his bouncing bombs found their target ... skittles somersaulted crazily ... he'd scored a massive seven! Could Fat Lats beat this stupendous start to the competition?
Monteith wielded his balls like weapons of mass destruction! But back to the skittles. His first ball recorded 132mph on the speed indicator and four pins shot like missiles in four different directions, one decapitating the rabbits in their hutch, another smashing into the playground and the other two lost in the inky black sky above. Fat Lat's eye was in, and he set that steely eye on the remaining skittles and sent his second ball down crashing into the helpless wooden pins. Two went skywards and a third 'did an Al' ... (tottered, spun and teetered drunkenly before finally collapsing). The crowd cheered. Fat Lats had equalled Chippie's humungous score! Would there have to be play-off or could Rowland beat seven?
Pad checked his balls hadn't been tampered with, the ambulance men were on red alert, and when satisfied, he got back to the game, started his run-up ....a hush descended over Lane 2 (everyone had gone home). Pad's first shot was way off target. Clearly, cycling to the venue had taken it out of him. Only two pins toppled. It looked like a two horse race between Chips and Monteith after all. But with nothing to lose, Pad sent ball two down, like a laser-guided thunderbolt and five pins were blown into oblivion, like so much sawdust (Pad's score now equalled the high score of seven) ... but wait ... a sixth pin had received a glancing blow and was teetering precariously as if it had drunk half a bottle of gin! The crowd gasped, and the pin kept spinning, time stopped still, restarted and then slowly, slowly the pin started toppling. It too was 'doing an Al'. There was no way that eighth pin was going to struggle back to it's feet. Chips and Fat Lats saw defeat staring them in the face. With a score of eight, Pad won the 2003 Annual Fatman Skittles Championship. A new name would be inscribed on the Skittles Trophy ... if we had one (* see AOB). As the applause and cheers died down, victor and vanquished, returned to the table to resume the meeting.
Swiss Cycle Activity
Chips attempted (but failed) to reassure members that everything was organized.
1) Pad mentioned that as the Car Rally has a trophy, as does the Annual Darts Competition, so too should the Annual Skittles Competition. It was agreed that a suitable trophy should be awarded by the Chairman.
2) Pad asked members if they'd received his recent email outlining some of Tommy's proposed activity ideas if we were to go to Bangkok in 2005. Taking an 'elephant driving course' has a certain ring to it. Further discussions necessary. Perhaps as skiing is no further than we're going for the Swiss Cycling activity, we can just call the skiing a normal activity and Bangkok the special anniversary one! Now there's a thought!
3) Similarly, time is running out for booking somewhere to go over NYE ... has anyone given it any more thought? Or are we going to jig our butts at the party?
4) Fines for non-attendance were mooted again and the current Chairman's lack of discipline noted.
Meeting Part Two
Richard and Neil, dejected, having lost the Skittles Competition, went home early to cry into their pillows. Pad unlocked his bicycle chain, switched on his cycle lamps and slowly mounted his steed to head for home, hoping beyond hope that a member might still arrive as it was only about 10 o'clock.
Then just about to exit into Ducks Hill Road, who should come swinging round almost knocking him off ... Narra's had arrived! Hurriedly, Pad chained his bike to the bubblegum machine again. Two pints were acquired from the toyshop and Pad relayed the outcome of the Skittles Competition to Mr Narra's. As we supped a pint together, a dog lazily curled a big brown steaming dollop right slap bang in the middle of the skittle alley effectively preventing Ian's late entry into the competition, though it didn't impede a gaggle of scruffy bubblegum-chewing barefoot children from playing in the half light unaware of the smell or squidgyness between their toes. The dog's owner, a fat crewcut woman was shouting into her mobile for the rest of the evening, informing everyone within a half mile radius of her lovelife or lack of and what shopping she'd bought from Sainsbury's.
The meeting closed for a second time and members noted that the next meeting will be abroad in Zurich, or is it Geneva?
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